Seven months have passed. Seven months since my grandmother has gone home to be with Jesus. I feel the void. I have felt it since the day she took her last breath. I miss her so much, and I miss her prayers. As I have taken some time to just focus on my daily devotions, I have missed writing. Just sitting here in thought, allowing God to minister to my heart. This morning I hear him saying, “There is a shift in the atmosphere.” There is a change that is taking place, as the time of His return is drawing closer. Pure grief kept me from sharing much of the last 24 hours of my precious grandmother’s life, but today I write. Because something shifted, and it’s time to allow God to manifest the fruit of the shift.
My grandmother was a warrior. One of those old fashioned, on her knees every single morning, dedicated and powerful warriors. I spent a lot of time with her as a little girl. She was a second mother to me. She nurtured me and taught me about Jesus. She fed me the word of God even before I could speak, and planted a warriors heart inside of me so that I would know how to fight when the battle grew fierce. She taught me to praise, and sing, and love Jesus with a passion like no other. I knew if I needed prayer I could go to her, and she would pray. She always reminded me that she was praying for me EVERY SINGLE DAY before I even awoke I was covered. Oh, how I miss her prayers.
The afternoon after her surgery, while she lay on that bed in critical condition. The news was grim, and her pain was evident. I stood beside her bed, stroking her hair as she had done mine so many times as a child. I caressed her and told her how much I loved her, and I PRAYED! I prayed for her with my whole heart. Reminding her of the power of Jesus, and praying for peace in the name of Jesus. I lovingly prayed for my prayer warrior who had prayed for me for over forty-four years. I looked up and the room was empty. I don’t know where everyone had gone, but I knew God had given me this time alone with her. He had orchestrated this final time just for me, and now that I am able to I share this amazing gift with you. After I prayed over her, I sat down in the corner, alone, and prayed for her. I thanked God for her. I just soaked in this time as the gift that it was. A few minutes later my family came back in, and the nurses were getting her situated. My mother was worried that I’d not eaten, so we all decided to go downstairs to get a bite while they did their tending to her. Something prompted me to look back as I was walking out the door. Grandma was sitting up in the bed, more alert than she had been, and she was looking at me. I said, “Grandma I love you!” and even with the tube to the ventilator in her mouth, she said, “I love you too!” and the pure love radiating from her eyes will be a constant memory for the rest of my days. She loved me fiercely, and was my BIGGEST HERO! I wish I would have told her more. We never think we are going to lose our loved ones. But as an example of how fast it goes, grandma went in 24 hours without us even being prepared that she was going to die. She thought she had arthritis in her leg, but it was cancer, and 24 hours after finding out she went home to be with Jesus.
I went into the funeral parlor where they had her shell. Her spirit was already with Jesus, but the image of who I’d known all of my life lay there so beautiful and still. I caressed her cold forehead and told her how much I loved her. She wasn’t there, but I prayed Jesus would let her hear. I promised her I’d take her mantle. I’d pray for our family, and be the woman of God she taught me to be. I’d make her proud of me. But there was a shift in the atmosphere. The older generation is leaving this earth, and sin is growing stronger and more accepted. There aren’t as many prayer warriors who arise every morning to pray for their families, who fast and seek God to see mountains move. Grandma was amazing. She was the truest example of who I long to be. I am growing stronger but yet I still grieve. I am coming out of the haze that grief causes, and am determined to be all that I promised her I’d be. Not just to make her proud. But because I am in love with the one she introduced me to so many many years ago. She gave me the greatest gift and left me with such a strong legacy. I now have a lot to live up to, but oh what a joy to work toward being just like her. I want to be an old fashioned prayer warrior, and so I strive…. as I cling to the hand of the one who is created it all.
(c) Angie Counter 2017 “It’s Okay….”